One of the many concerns I had when deciding to chop my hair off was whether I would look masculine. I am quite a plain-looking girl, I don’t glam up on a regular basis and due to an overenthusiastic bunch of kids, I don’t often wear earrings as I want to keep my ears intact. With my hair the length it was pre-chop or with the help of extensions, it was clear, I am a girl. Or at least I thought so.
You take away all of the things that make it obvious what gender you are and what are you left with? It turns out, that when I dress down, wear comfy clothes, without hair, the outfit becomes more boy-ish instantly. This a double-edged sword because sometimes you look like a tomboy and sometimes you just look like a boy. It’s crazy how a pair of earrings or a bit of lipstick change not only your face but your perspective of self.
I know who I am but I can’t help but feel insecure sometimes when people are looking at me. It could so easily be that they are wondering why on earth a girl would have her hair so short, or that I am one of the only black people around where I live or because my husband and kids are a different colour to me. But at the moment I am struggling at times with the idea that I look like a 13-year-old boy and that others think that too.
Now I could make more of an effort to be dressed up, made up, cinched in. But I love comfort, I love casual and I love just being me (most of the time). I can’t be bothered with wearing a full face everyday, I don’t have the time, motivation or skill. I have to find the courage to look at my face and love it, see who I am. A girl, a lady, a woman. I am not a supermodel but I am super. I’m not into mantras but that should be mine.
However, outside forces can knock your confidence unexpectedly. One morning recently a delivery man came to the door to deliver a parcel for my husband. It could have been because the parcel was for a man or that it was dark (he turned up at 7.45am in the dead of winter) or that he just wasn’t paying attention but he called me sir. My heart dropped, he quickly corrected himself but as they say, you can’t unring the bell.
It’s funny because I definitely thought when my hair was super short or even when I was completely bald, the line was less ambiguous than now while I’m in the in-between phase. This in-between phase is likely to last quite a few months so I need to get over any issues that I have. And they are my issues. It’s weird to me though because I don’t feel like this everyday and it doesn’t have anything to do with what I am wearing. I could be wearing a floral t-shirt and a skirt and still feel like people could question my gender.
At the end of the day though, short hair rocks and who cares, it’s just hair. It’s not who I am. I feel positive about the steps I am taking. Look at me and see a boy if you dare.
Let’s keep growing more confident together.
xx Lee xx
Comments welcome below. How do you feel about girls with short hair?
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