I’ve recently made all my posts specifically about weight loss private.
Before I go on, I wonder if this post needs a trigger warning. I know some people have very complicated relationships with food and their bodies, so this is a warning that this may not be for you although I’m not going into masses of detail but just so you know. We all have to make the best choices for our own bodies, to be a size that makes you feel happy and is healthy and make sure the calories you take in are exactly what you need.
I think I may start describing this as my weight management journey rather than weight loss. Because there will come a point where losing isn’t the aim, maintaining is. Plus there are people who need or want to gain weight and weight management is more inclusive. Not everyone’s ideal body is the body type we feel society is pushing on us. For example, I want a smaller stomach but it doesn’t need to be flat. I want to feel more in proportion but I don’t mind if you look at my body and see a little extra around my belly, I’ve had 3 kids!
Obviously like everything on the Internet, nothing is gone forever. There are still Pins kicking about, Instagram posts and all the places they may have been shared. By no means am I trying to erase their complete existence, in fact, I hope to make those posts public again in time.
Just right now, I don’t want them out there. Plus I’m so all over the place with how I feel about my weight and how I talk about my weight. I feel there’s a clumsiness in how I try to communicate it, I’m never happy with the posts. I’m never 100% happy with any post to be honest!
I’m on a “diet”…again. I’ve literally never been heavier, even when I’ve been 9 months pregnant. I think that’s what’s pushed me over edge to take this more seriously than ever before. Plus I’m getting older and I was always told all this gets harder as you get older. Not to mention the pandemic has focussed the mind just a tad. It’s proven the thing I’ve obviously always known, that time is not promised. Tomorrow may never come or tomorrow may be a sh*tstorm that you never in life imagined would happen.
And the “diet” is working. I hate feeling hungry, I hate feeling like I can’t eat what I want but I’m seeing results and it’s all in a good cause. I know there are diets that claim that you don’t have to feel that way but a diet is self inflicted deprivation no matter how you look at it. You’re cutting something out be it a little bit of chocolate or a lot of chocolate 😂. And that’s fine, short term. I just want to get back to a “healthy weight.” I am officially obese according to my BMI so I have my fingers crossed for continued success.
But I know I’m treading a very thin line between being analytical about this whole process and being obsessed. I feel like almost every conversation revolves around it at some point, which I suppose there are pros and cons to that. I’m being held accountable at home and I have support, I think it’s really helping.
Success looks like a healthier BMI, although I’m not convinced of how happy I would be if I dropped my weight to what they say is healthy for my height but we’ll see how I feel and look as I get closer to that number🤷🏾♀️. And success is also a me that’s more comfortable in my own skin. Which I’m already starting to feel. I really hope these changes stick this time, I really do.
So I have my fingers crossed and hope to report a win in a few months! Sorry for the ramble, like I said, I’m all over the place but feeling good.
Let’s keep growing together!
xx Lee xx