I feel completely different to the person in Part One of this little series who was chasing a short-term goal of looking good in swimwear. I can lie and say that I was trying to be healthy, I told this lie, which isn’t completely a lie but it wasn’t my main priority. Who doesn’t want to feel like all the other skinny girls flaunting their flat stomachs in bikinis during the day and wearing bodycon dresses out to the bar at night? That’s what I wanted when I went away on my friend’s hen do. But it didn’t take long for me to realise that I was looking at this all wrong. I was looking at myself all wrong.
That’s what I said at the start. I wanted to keep this change simple. I wanted there to be some modicum of success at the end. There needed to be a fighting chance of actually doing this. But I was looking at this all wrong. I realised that the problem wasn’t my weight. It was that I felt that I needed to take any sort of drastic action in the first place. So what if I’ve got a dumpy tummy? I eat crap, don’t exercise as much as I should, have 3 kids and possibly don’t wear the most flattering clothes at times (not saying my clothes aren’t nice because they are ?) and could some of that stuff change?
But do I need to hate myself in the meantime?
No and I don’t and I won’t.
I’ll not succumb to what other people tell me is beautiful or ugly. I am going to change things about myself. I am going to take better care of myself. But because that is what I really, really want and I’ll do it my way and in my own time.
Would it have been nice to flaunt a perfect flat tummy at my friends hen do?
Of course. Because I wanted to feel like all the other girls with their perfect bodies. Turns out that they all feel the same way. There were varying levels of f**ks given about our so-called flaws but the general consensus was to just live our lives. Life is too short. And when I did voice my own personal concerns I was uplifted by my friends. I had nothing to worry about. I just need to love myself as much as the people around me love me.
Onto the results…and you can look at these as successes or failures but here we go…
Here are my measurements (20/03/18 in red, 15/04/18 in orange, today in green)
Weight 65.8kg / 65.3kg / 65.9kg (but I have just installed 7.5 packs of hair)
(B) Bust 34 inches / 34.25 inches / 35 inches (well finally getting some growth where I’d like it!)
(W) Waist 35.5 inches / 35.5 inches / 34 inches
(H) Hip 38.5 inches / 38.5 inches / 38 inches
(A) Bum 40 inches / 40.5 inches / 39.25 inches
(T) Thighs 38 inches / 38.25 inches / 37.5 inches
It seems that even though I felt like I was failing when it came to the numbers I somehow made a little progress. I guess it’s another one of those things where you let go a little and it just happens. You take away the stress and pressure, just live and good things can start to happen. Now I’m not going to over inflate my achievements. They are minuscule. BUT….they’re there. It’s okay to do a little happy dance before I regain my composure and realise there is much work ahead, physically and mentally.
This little series was called Woeful Workout Plan No.1 which implies there will be a number 2 at some point. And I think there should be. If I somehow find the motivation or the right self bribery, I am sure I can make remarkable things happen. I need to find a diet that works…for me. And an exercise regime that works…for me.
So did it all make any difference?
I made some good choices but I also made some pretty bad ones too. In my last post in this series, I asked the question of whether I could have got back on track in time for the holiday or just settled on a flattering swimsuit? Looking at my numbers, I got back on track, seemingly without meaning to but I also bought a really flattering suit too! I think a lot of confidence can come from just buying things that suit your body type. That accentuate the things you like and hide or flatter the things you don’t. While you’re working on things, don’t feel like you have to fit into society’s box of perfection. I like knowing that. I like feeling this way. The pressure is off and I’m happier. I guess that was the whole point of this after all.
This isn’t an excuse for not doing as well as I initially hoped, I admit one of the aims was to get healthier and I don’t think I’ve done that but I have a new mindset and that’s making changes in my life 100% for real. And I am, just slower than anticipated.
But this is a fragile position to be in and it didn’t take a lot to break my confidence the other day but I picked myself up quicker than I would have a few months ago. Conclusion: Progress is being made and a backwards step is not the end.
Let’s keep growing together!
xx Lee xx